How to Speak Romance Like Zoomer: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Terms for Romance, Sex and Bad Behaviour

The current year marks a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {