Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's leading entertainers spent the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune directed at the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins all he touches."

Colbert's target was the new initiative which permits foreign citizens to buy U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for five million. An official page pledges processing "in record time."

"A brief message for you to wealthy applicants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.