My Companion Only Ever Focuses About Herself: Should I Distance Myself?

I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her friends vanished during that time, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised better what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I open subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has unyielding views. I try to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She is arranging a holiday to a nation I know well many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to offer insights, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her plans. I've just come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she can comprehend the consequences of her actions on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for working things out demands strength and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. Next is to express the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. The third step involves requesting ways you together can shift the interaction between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject everything, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they cannot abandon since their identity relies on it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react like this and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a resolution, it will give you closure knowing you were honest with her.