Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more.
I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.
Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.
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