Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program
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- By Linda Kelly
- 08 Mar 2026
Marnus carefully spreads butter on both sides of a slice of plain bread. “That’s the secret,” he explains as he brings down the lid of his sandwich grill. “There you go. Then you get it crisp on the outside.” He checks inside to reveal a perfectly browned of delicious perfection, the melted cheese happily bubbling away. “So this is the secret method,” he announces. At which point, he does something unexpected and strange.
At this stage, I sense a sense of disinterest is beginning to cover your eyes. The alarm bells of sportswriting pretension are flashing wildly. You’re probably aware that Labuschagne scored 160 for Queensland this week and is being widely discussed for an national team comeback before the England-Australia contest.
No doubt you’d prefer to read more about cricket matters. But first – you now understand with frustration – you’re going to have to get through several lines of playful digression about toasties, plus an additional unnecessary part of overly analytical commentary in the “you” perspective. You feel resigned.
Marnus transfers the sandwich on to a plate and walks across the fridge. “Few try this,” he remarks, “but I personally prefer the toastie cold. Done, in the fridge. You let the cheese firm up, go for a hit, come back. Alright. It’s ideal.”
Alright, here’s the main point. Let’s address the cricket bit initially? Quick update for reading until now. And while there may only be six weeks until the first Test, Labuschagne’s century against Tasmania – his third in recent months in all cricket – feels significantly impactful.
This is an Australia top three clearly missing consistency and technique, shown up by the South African team in the Test championship decider, exposed again in the West Indies after that. Labuschagne was omitted during that tour, but on one hand you gathered Australia were keen to restore him at the earliest chance. Now he looks to have given them the perfect excuse.
This represents a plan that Australia need to work. Usman Khawaja has one century in his recent 44 batting efforts. The young batsman looks hardly a first-innings batsman and more like the handsome actor who might portray a cricketer in a Bollywood movie. Other candidates has presented a strong argument. McSweeney looks finished. Another option is still surprisingly included, like moths or damp. Meanwhile their skipper, Cummins, is injured and suddenly this feels like a unusually thin squad, missing strength or equilibrium, the kind of effortless self-assurance that has often helped Australia dominate before a match begins.
Enter Marnus: a top-ranked Test batsman as in the recent past, just left out from the ODI side, the right person to restore order to a brittle empire. And we are informed this is a more relaxed and thoughtful Labuschagne currently: a pared-down, back-to-basics Labuschagne, less maniacally obsessed with small details. “I believe I have really stripped it back,” he said after his century. “Not overthinking, just what I need to score runs.”
Clearly, nobody truly believes this. In all likelihood this is a fresh image that exists only in Labuschagne’s own head: still endlessly adjusting that method from morning to night, going deeper into fundamentals than anyone has ever dared. Prefer simplicity? Marnus will devote weeks in the training with coaches and video clips, exhaustively remoulding himself into the most basic batsman that has ever been seen. This is just the quality of the focused, and the trait that has long made Labuschagne one of the most wildly absorbing cricketers in the game.
It could be before this very open Ashes series, there is even a kind of interesting contrast to Labuschagne’s constant dedication. In England we have a side for whom any kind of analysis, let alone self-analysis, is a forbidden topic. Feel the flavours. Be where the ball is. Smell the now.
For Australia you have a individual like Labuschagne, a player utterly absorbed with the sport and magnificently unbothered by public perception, who finds cricket even in the gaps in the game, who treats this absurd sport with precisely the amount of absurd reverence it demands.
This approach succeeded. During his intense period – from the time he walked out to substitute for an injured Smith at the famous ground in 2019 to through 2022 – Labuschagne somehow managed to see the game on another level. To access it – through sheer intensity of will – on a different, unusual, intense plane. During his stint in English county cricket, colleagues noticed him on the game day sitting on a park bench in a meditative condition, actually imagining every single ball of his innings. As per the analytics firm, during the early stages of his career a statistically unfathomable proportion of catches were missed when he batted. Somehow Labuschagne had anticipated outcomes before others could react to influence it.
Maybe this was why his form started to decline the moment he reached the summit. There were no new heights to imagine, just a unknown territory before his eyes. Additionally – he stopped trusting his signature shot, got trapped on the crease and seemed to misjudge his positioning. But it’s connected really. Meanwhile his coach, D’Costa, believes a attention to shorter formats started to weaken assurance in his technique. Good news: he’s recently omitted from the 50-over squad.
No doubt it’s important, too, that Labuschagne is a devoutly religious individual, an religious believer who holds that this is all predetermined, who thus sees his task as one of achieving this peak performance, however enigmatic and inexplicable it may appear to the rest of us.
This mindset, to my mind, has always been the main point of difference between him and the other batsman, a instinctive player
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