The Phrases shared by A Parent That Saved Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader failure to communicate among men, who often absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - spending a short trip away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."